You see that word in the sub title of this blog? Introvert? Are you wondering if I’m ever going to address the subject? Well, here you go. Time for some serious business.
Guess what? My social interactions are often a little odd. Besides being draining. Probably for everyone else, too.
Let’s go down the checklist:
Do you look around the room, and feel like you made eye contact with every single person broadly facing your direction?
Do you wonder if they’re judging you for staring, even though you’re pretty sure you aren’t?
When in the middle of a group of acquaintances or casual friends, do you feel like you’re observing?
When the group you’re talking to moves off, a couple at a time, do you wonder how they knew what to do?
When you approach some of them a few minutes later, do you figure they think you’re hovering or pushing yourself on them?
When someone asks you a question, or hell, you get on a topic you like or just open your mouth, or something someone says triggers a response, do you Infodump?
You might be a heavy introvert.
Ahhh, lovely frustration. How isolated do you feel today? (no, it’s not a contest. I find it difficult not to smirk, however.)
Let’s see where this leads.
Mind the gap.
…critique of Valentine’s Day.
I’m not going to bother with the historical roots, or any of that. It’s been covered.
If you need this one day to pay attention to the people you care about, you’re doing it wrong.
There’s nothing wrong with doing something special on Valentine’s Day. The thought does count; it is, in fact, intentionality that’s at issue here.
It’s about pushing limits in your relationship. Just ask yourself two questions:
- What assumptions are you making?
- What are you taking for granted?
If you aren’t pushing each other to expand, what are you doing? Stagnancy and inertia kill. It’s both your lives, together. Look at the idea of “Steak and a Blowjob” day. V-day is often used for “unusual” sexual favors. The intimacy makes it a useful example.
Is one of you uptight about something? Are you assuming that something isn’t that big of a deal? Think about blowjobs. Someone doesn’t want to do it, what I picture is, “nope, that’s gross, not happening”. In other words, conversation shut down. I have a feeling there are a lot of assumptions not being addressed when a conversation is shut down like that. Are you just coasting? Shouldn’t you be exploring why bj’s (or whatever) are an issue for you? Who’s body do you think of as “dirty”? Do sexual acts make you feel bad about yourself? Do you dislike sexuality because you aren’t comfortable with your body or with sex?
Don’t mistake me: if you’ve tried and there’s some specific reason that something just doesn’t work for you, great. Maybe you work something out if the other person really likes the act. Cause it’s about the relationship, as well; it all goes both ways. But if you basically force yourself to do it once a year, there’s an imbalance that needs to be addressed.
How honest are you, with yourself and your loved ones, about your needs?
So what should you be communicating right now?
I’m probably the poster child for quality over quantity.
I wish I were bragging. The fact is, I just don’t have much energy for stuff. If I have a cabinet or two full of dishes, they start collecting on my desk and living out of the dishwasher. With only a couple of each item, they get washed and dried quick. I take care of them.
Of course, this means durability has a higher priority. I don’t want to have to buy replacements, unless it’s something basic, utilitarian, and cheap. Otherwise? I am not spending more money on this, what the hell, I just bought this.
I do get more pleasure from beautiful items. And with only a few, as with clothes, it becomes more important. On the other hand, a slight tradeoff in durability is worth it if the aesthetics fit.
Durability keeps me honest. Aesthetics keep me satisfied.
This means I look for just a few, beautiful, lasting items. Yeah, kind of an expensive combination, but it’s worth it. This form of simplification is just a necessity for me. I almost wish it were a choice. I mean, do you have any idea how long it takes me to find a jacket I’m willing to buy?
Most importantly, it’s a focused, practical simplicity. It gets me out and searching for things I need. It helps expand the range of my life.
Whatever gets me out, right?