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Belated and Brief

…critique of Valentine’s Day.

I’m not going to bother with the historical roots, or any of that. It’s been covered.

If you need this one day to pay attention to the people you care about, you’re doing it wrong.

There’s nothing wrong with doing something special on Valentine’s Day. The thought does count; it is, in fact, intentionality that’s at issue here.

It’s about pushing limits in your relationship. Just ask yourself two questions:

  • What assumptions are you making?
  • What are you taking for granted?

If you aren’t pushing each other to expand, what are you doing? Stagnancy and inertia kill. It’s both your lives, together. Look at the idea of “Steak and a Blowjob” day. V-day is often used for “unusual” sexual favors. The intimacy makes it a useful example.

Is one of you uptight about something? Are you assuming that something isn’t that big of a deal? Think about blowjobs. Someone doesn’t want to do it, what I picture is, “nope, that’s gross, not happening”. In other words, conversation shut down. I have a feeling there are a lot of assumptions not being addressed when a conversation is shut down like that. Are you just coasting? Shouldn’t you be exploring why bj’s (or whatever) are an issue for you? Who’s body do you think of as “dirty”? Do sexual acts make you feel bad about yourself? Do you dislike sexuality because you aren’t comfortable with your body or with sex?

Don’t mistake me: if you’ve tried and there’s some specific reason that something just doesn’t work for you, great. Maybe you work something out if the other person really likes the act. Cause it’s about the relationship, as well; it all goes both ways. But if you basically force yourself to do it once a year, there’s an imbalance that needs to be addressed.

How honest are you, with yourself and your loved ones, about your needs?

So what should you be communicating right now?

Categories: Introvert
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